Until Always

Originally Published on Short Fiction Break.

At first, Jonas hadn’t noticed anything amiss even as he grew tired during the day and couldn’t seem to quench his insatiable thirst. But, when he couldn’t make the bike ride to David O’Shaughnessy’s house, he knew something was wrong.

“I’m afraid you have Type 1 Diabetes,” their family doctor said, eyeing Jonas’s parents who looked sick with worry, “it’s alright, Jonas will be able to live a normal life.”

A normal life, Jonas mused as he sat in the waiting area of Bradley Hospital’s Endocrine Clinic ten years later. It had been a normal life, perpetually obstructed by fainting spells, drowsy mood swings, irreversible nerve damage, endless hospital visits, and most recently, despair and guilt.

Since his parents died in an accident the year before, their life insurance left him with a small fortune. Embittered, Jonas wasted most of it on gambling, drinking, and a water-front apartment where he brought girls. They were impressed for a minute until they realised he wasn’t a self-made career jockey or lucky son-of-a-bitch from old money. His wealth was fleeting, he knew this, he also knew that he should know better, but he was too tired, too grief-stricken and too sick to care.

Jonas continued to run uncontrolled blood sugars, never feeling in control of anything. He spent many nights laying in hospital beds with insulin IV drips inserted into his arm, feeling so alone and bound to his grief, that he couldn’t imagine anything getting better. Nothing, certainly not the money he inherited could buy him health and happiness, until today.

Today, an anxious excitement burned through his veins like thin wires connected to high voltage electricity, ready to burst. Jonas gripped his small, battery-powered insulin pump. This little boxed-shaped machine, resembling a pager, provided him with continuous insulin delivery through long plastic tubing attached to his lower abdomen. Jonas stared at the medical marvel which had become a part of him, his only choice for limited freedom, until today.

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